1. You may express gratitude to someone without texting them.
Oh, the thank-you text. Is there a text that is debated and discussed more than the one that follows the first date? I know some who think that if you’re interested in a male possibility, the pressure should always be on the guy, and those who think that the woman should send a follow-up message to show her interest as soon as the first date.
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I’m a little bit of an old school when it comes to pursuit dynamics, which are often led by men based on evolution. If you thanked your date deeply and abundantly in person before leaving—which you should do whether you want to see them again or not—I don’t think you need to text follow-up. This might put them in a position where they feel under pressure to respond in a certain manner and relieve them of a normal amount of worry when they ponder, I think she likes me, but I’ll have to spend more time getting to know her. She looked to be having fun. The choice to leave them there is a sensible one.
Having said that, if you’re concerned that you came across as aloof or hostile on the date (I understand, nervousness!), you might text them to let them know that you had a great time. On this one, go slowly. It’s not a job interview; if you can show them that you’re excited in person, they will take the lead. Let them throw it away.
2. Give them two weeks to respond to your message.
I know, I know—two weeks? But let me clarify.
Even after an amazing date, someone may still need to consider what plans they can make and how compatible they think you two are. I beg you not to read too much into how quickly they respond, as long as they contact you back within two weeks. This allows them plenty of time to decide whether and when they want to see you once again. (Beyond that point, it becomes sense to assume that they are unable or unwilling to offer you even the slightest priority. Later on!)
Observe how they follow up; that’s an important thing to think about. Waiting a week to text someone “Heyyyyy,” but messaging someone ten days later and saying, “Hey, I’d love to see you again—are you free next week?” is one thing. When you start to feel anxious after the date, keep in mind that it matters more how they approach you than how quickly they do so.
3. Delay engaging in sexual activity for a few dates, minimum.
While I’m not innately opposed to first-date sex, I’m also not in favor of it. As a therapist, I am aware of how important it is to truly comprehend not just a person’s goals, but also whether or not their behaviors align with those goals. Finding out when you first meet someone might be difficult.
To each their own, entirely, especially when it comes to this matter—but in my expert opinion, holding off on intimacy until you’re certain you’re looking for the same thing is a dating tip that might really help you preserve your precious heart. If it’s only a sexual relationship, great! But if it’s anything more, like a genuine relationship, you want to be sure that’s also their goal. Because having sex just helps you become closer to the other person and, in some situations, lowers your self-esteem in the event that they decide not to commit to you. It is something no one should ever encounter.
4. Don’t worry about making payments.
Gender norms should no longer be applied to dates—2020 is quickly approaching. There is no reason why the woman shouldn’t pay for the date if she is a woman searching for a male partner, and there is also no reason why the guy should. You are free to behave in a way that aligns with your values and your comfort zone.
I think that everyone these days appreciates your offer to pay the full sum or split it, whether or not they take it. In the same way that their request for money does not always mean they are uninterested, it also does not mean they won’t let you in. Try not to read too much into it if they don’t tell you otherwise.
5. You are free to participate in parts of the preparation on your own.
Although it’s fantastic to have someone else choose the date’s time and place, keep in mind that not everyone is a great planner, so feel free to offer anything in particular if you have a specific idea in mind. They’ll probably appreciate your effort and approach the scenario less tense or apprehensive because it takes some of the pressure off of them, which benefits you in the long run. Conversely, if you hate planning anything at all, including choosing a brunch spot with your friends, let them know that you’re open to either X or Y, but you really have to be since they’ll be choosing from it.
By the way, P.S.: Don’t be afraid to contact people and invite them! Rejection is the worst situation that may happen. To their disadvantage!
6. Eat everything and anything you want.
I had to end with this one since it confused me when individuals discussed their dating orders. You are undoubtedly a lady, thus you may have heard the proverbs “Never bring home food,” “Always order a salad,” or “Never finish your plate.” I respond, “pssha!” in return.
How absurd it is that there even exist dating regulations. Eat all the spaghetti you want for the love of pasta! If you’re hungry, go out and get as much food as you need to sate your appetite. If you’re the kind of person who enjoys eating leftovers, you should pick a partner who shares your appreciation of delicious cuisine and even thinks it funny that you get so excited about supper.
It is not worth the brief life to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate your appetite, whether it be for a simple salad or a (not too challenging) steak. That’s what I swear to you.
